The big guns

One week in and the campaign is going swimmingly. The totaliser now stands at a meaty £17.37 and the Facebook group has attracted a dizzying 38 members.

Amazing and fantastic!

But not good enough.

I'd like to thank everyone who's participated in this global experiment in the power of politeness. You've been simply scrumptious and hope I can count on your continuing support ... but it's time to pull out the big guns.

I need media support if I'm to make this dream a reality and that can only mean one thing ... it's time to contact Terry Wogan. Below is a copy of the polite email I've just sent to the great man himself:

Dear Mr. Wogan,

I have long been an ardent admirer of your superb breakfast show. I find it informative, entertaining and a worthy addition to the cultural output of this lovely isle. You truly are the king of breakfast entertainment and far superior to that loud mouthed oaf on Radio 1. (In fairness, I should point out I've sent this exact same email to Chris Moyles claiming he's better than you).

I wonder, would it be possible to impose on your famed generosity? You see, I'm conducting a worldwide experiment into the power of politeness and I need your help.

This is, in a way, a lie.

I'm actually trying to persuade random strangers to buy me an Aston Martin using politeness, a snazzy website and spam (the email kind, not the tins of dubious meat - I know these new-fangled terms can confuse those of a chronologically advanced persuasion).

I understand you normally only help injured teddy bears, but it would be lovely if you could visit www.buymeanastonmartin.com. Now, now, don't panic - I am in no way suggesting you buy me an Aston Martin all on your own! Goodness, no; that would be madness! If however you could ask your listeners to contribute a mere fifty pence each, I feel confident the current total of £17.37 could increase by as much as fifty pounds!

Maybe even fifty-five if there's nothing much on the telly that day.

Let me assure you - this isn't a scam or a joke and not a single penny of this money is going to charity. It is exactly what it purports to be, a lone individual (a crazy dreamer some might say) trying to bring a little joy to the world.

My world, true, but it still counts.

Keep up the good work, I shall listen eagerly to your radio show every day until you read out this appeal - or at least until Wednesday, when I have to go and visit Auntie Doreen. Unfortunately the sound of your voice sends her into violent spasms of crockery-smashing rage, so it's best for all concerned if we don't take radios into her house.

Yours, in eternal optimism

An Aston Martin fan

There, that should do it.