Cynicism

Oh dear, oh dear. It appears the level of cynicism in the world has risen to such epic proportions a gentlemen such as myself can't even email random strangers and ask them to buy him an Aston Martin without being accused of having a hidden objective.

I really, really have tried to be very honest here. I want an Aston Martin and I want you all to buy one for me.

Sadly, I'm up against an evil world and some people have been bitten by a very similar bug in the past. For instance, take this example from a Mr. Brainwhispers:

Dear Aston Martin fan

Thank you kindly for your email. It warms my heart to know that there are spammers out there that take the time to email me. I now feel a little less unloved and lonely in the world.

Now to business.

Unfortunately I will not be able to spare any money for your fund.

There are two reasons for this.

Reason 1.

I am currently saving to buy a yacht.

Reason 2.

I am unsure of your actual intentions.

I had a similar spam email about 10 years ago from "buymeascud.com" a website based in Central Asia

This email went on to explain that a Scud is a kind of utility vehicle (similar to a land rover) popular with the Afghans and would help the owner and his village with transporting the sick and elderly to a nearby hospital.

Well having a big heart how could I say no? I donated £100 and walked around with a warm glow for weeks.

Then all of a sudden I had a knock at the door from the people at MI5.

Apparently I was funding terrorism.

Apparently a Scud is not a popular utility vehicle similar to a land rover.

It is a ballistic missile made by Ruskies!

How angry do you think I was?

How annoyed, upset and betrayed do you think I felt?

I thought it was so genuine. I even had a few personal emails from the man behind buymeascud.com. I thought Mr O. B. Laden was a perfectly pleasant and respectable person.

Unlike those bastards at MI5!

Having ones rectal passage inspected by a middle aged man with massive fingers is not an experience I would ever want to repeat.

I think you will agree that my personal experience with this sort of email has put me in a rather wary position.

So unfortunately I will not be donating to your "aston martin fund"

I would like you to understand that this has nothing to do with me being a tight-wad, skin-flint or miser though.

It is purely down to the fact that I dont want to be buying you a tank, helicopter gunship, box of ak47's or even a spudgun (those things can blind!)

Also, if I get in trouble with MI5 again my Mum said she would confiscate my playstation2.


With kind regards


Mr Brainwhispers.

This kind of behaviour from members of Her Majesty's Secret Service is unacceptable. A kindly man agrees to help out a stranger and the next thing you know he's having his anus probed by spies.

It's behaviour like this, and that of the naughty terrorists who duped poor Mr. Brainwhispers in the first place which make it incredibly difficult for honest people like me to prove their worth.

Please, please, please believe me - I have no intentions other than buying an Aston Martin. I wish I could reassure you more, but it is beyond my power.

I understand Mr. Brainwhispers' plight and completely respect his desire not to donate.

Good luck with that yacht, Mr. Brainwhispers!