Dr Bez

Inspired by the kind and thoughtful words of Lynn Barrett-Smith over on Facebook (have you been there? It's wonderful), I've decided to take her advice and write to Doctor Ulrich Bez, the CEO of Aston Martin:

Dear Dr Ulrich Bez,

may I begin by congratulating you on having the coolest name ever?

Well, maybe the third coolest after Rip Torn and Slim Pickens, but it's definitely up there. Imagine being able to go through life introducing yourself as Doctor Bez! Amazing!

Of course, you don't need to imagine it since it's your name! I imagine you spend all day every day introducing yourself to people. In fact, I imagine you probably introduce yourself to random strangers just to see their expressions.

On second thoughts, maybe you don't. Maybe you aren't a Happy Mondays fan and so don't find your name in the least bit amusing.

Yes. Now I come to think of it, that seems much more likely.

Sorry.

Still, let me introduce myself. I'm attempting to get total strangers to buy me an Aston Martin using only the power of politeness. (Congratulations on all your beautiful cars by the way, they truly are a work of art ... and you can go to Morrisons in them! How amazing is that? Bet you couldn't get your weekly shop into the boot of the Mona Lisa. Or maybe you can, maybe she has a massive arse - who knows?)

Don't worry, by the way, I'm not about to ask you for a donation to my fund (although feel free if you think you can spare 50p http://www.buymeanastonmartin.com/). No. The reason I'm writing to you is because of an interesting and astoundingly simple idea put forward by a Ms Lynn Barrett-Smith (have you met her? I haven't, but she seems lovely. She's certainly got a level head on her shoulders!). I'll let Lynn's words move you as they have moved me:

"if everybody were given an Aston Martin I (...) believe the world's economy would not be so pitiful. Some could sell them and pay their mortgages off, the money would then go back in to the economy. Others could sell and spend the money in the highstreet, thus ploughing also back in to the economy. It's ridiculous that Dr Ulrich Bez, Chief Executive Officer, Aston Martin, does not realise this, he could save the world. "

Amazing, isn't it? Doctor Bez, you have the power to save the world in the palm of your hand! True, it would probably bankrupt your magnificent company but surely that's a small price to pay for a completely saved world. If it helps, I'll refuse my free car since I have the utmost confidence I'll raise enough money in donations to buy my own. (I have stickers and everything!)

Oh, wait. If you give everyone in the world an Aston Martin and go bankrupt in the process then there will be no one for me to buy my Aston Martin from. Oh dear, I hadn't thought of that.

Still, I suspect the second-hand market will be booming ... and cheap! In fact I've probably already got enough money to buy an Aston Martin! Doctor Bez, I implore you, think of the children and act now before it's too late! Please, please, please see it in your heart to make six billion Aston Martins and distribute them to the world.

Yours with hope for the future,

An Aston Martin fan.

Surely it's only a matter of time before the world is saved by Aston Martin! Hooray!